dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
