Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
