guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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