I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
