Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
