I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
