He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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