I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
