Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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