Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
