It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
