Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i think my cat just said my name.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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