I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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