dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's like iHOP with fire
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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