Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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