i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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