This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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