I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
