Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
