What did we do last night that was yellow?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
