i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
