just tell him i said nine months
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
