he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
