So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
