Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
