you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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