She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
