He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
