I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
