Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
