yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
