i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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