im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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