I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
