home. puking in laundry basket.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
