GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
