No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
