She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
