When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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