i already hear my dad disowning me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
