it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
