she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
