I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
