I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
