throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
