maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
