sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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