How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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