Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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