is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
