her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
