Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
