He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
