I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
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