we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
