look no pants
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
