im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
