i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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