I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
