I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
