Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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