If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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