If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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