Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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