Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
